she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize