I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
