does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
