Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
