i think i have herpe
just one?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
