Dual....:-)
I looked at my own cervix.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
