Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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