ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
