apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
