we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
