my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
