she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize