Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
