You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
