Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
