I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
