i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
that's an acceptable place to lick
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
