it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize