Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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