You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
