there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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