who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
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