this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
