the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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