Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
