shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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