Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
