I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
