omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
