is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
