threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
