my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
