I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
