THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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