wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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