Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
