I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
