it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
