last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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