Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
