He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
