Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Randomize
