Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
sex in a hospital.. check
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
