She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
How external is "for external use only"?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize