wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just high enough for therapy.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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