I'm going to jail i love you
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
