I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
