Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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