He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
