Well douche your snatch and let's go!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
