Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I didn't notice because vodka
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
