my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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