girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
