i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am mentally ready for anal.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
