Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
