drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
