This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
