Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
