is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
