Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
