I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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