Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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