We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
