I'm so fucking centered right now
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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