HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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