I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
