My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
