worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
