I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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