I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
