boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
